In Creative Writing, we were encouraged to further develop our storytelling voice and express them by telling our own stories that have a dark and twist feeling to them. We were also allowed to use an image of our chosen as reference material for the setting of the story. I was unsure about this task as I wasn’t too sure how to structure a story themed around this feeling. So I’ve went with the opposite and write up a story that is more light-hearted. After writing up the story on my phone via Notes, I’ve discuss a few details with my lecturer about it which was when I was recommended to change it to fit the criteria. Unfortunately, I don’t have the first draft of the story as I forgot to save it when I’ve adjusted the story which was on the same file. Below is my second draft of the story.
As I moved out the moving cages of people, I’ve walked from the station into the city and then I saw such mesmerising wonder.
Tall buildings, large groups of people walking by and vehicles from all shapes and sizes. These are the things that feel very abnormal to me, however this is love at first sight. From the sizzling cooking of food and chasing of tyres, my nostrils are greeted with a new presence that would soon to be common other than manure on the floor.
The air that I’m devouring is very unnatural compared to the nature of fresh and vast landscapes, filled blooming flowers, mouth-watering crops and overgrown straight grass on an dismal springtime day’s. Continue on with the conversation of nature, the aligned mapped pavements and roads are urban to my feet as the more they walk, I tend to forget the hills that pillars the meadows and stones that pierce out phallically.
The greater detail that alarms myself against my ear drums is the loud characteristic that pollutes the atmosphere. The rural lands’ sounds aren’t the ones to compete with these unfamiliar tones I’m hearing as the calmness and peacefulness restraints me.
Guilty as I may sound, I don’t feel the pity for missing the senses back in the rural land. It’s fill with emptiness. I have no remorse to those who miss me as I dreaded the quiet and sane land that I once called my home. So if else, fate has pathed me to be here. In my own wonderland.
This second draft turned out to be a lot more better than what I’ve originally written. I’ve taken inspiration from media such as American Psycho, where the character of Patrick Bateman discuss and describes how he feels mentally through his inner monologues as well as his taste in music. That’s why for the part of the second draft, it has a very uncomfortable yet obscure analysis of the city around him and how much it makes the character feel the sense of pleasure and distaste when comparing the atmosphere to the rural place he grew up in.
After reading out the story to my lecturer and peers, the story turned out to be very appealing based on the criticism I’ve received. On the other hand, this story needed to be shorten down to meet the 150 word cap that is also part of the criteria. So for it’s third and final draft, here’s the finished draft for my creative writing, titled: My Own Wonderland.
My Own Wonderland
Leaving the moving cages of people, I’ve walked from the station into the city where I saw such mesmerising wonder.
Tall buildings, masses of people walking, vehicles of varying shapes and sizes. This feels very abnormal but is it love at first sight. My senses are greeted with a new presence, the smell of sizzling cooking and the sound of vehicle horns compared to silence and smell of my home environment.
The air I’m now devouring is unnatural compared to the fresh and vast landscapes, blooming flowers and crops and overgrown straight grass.
The city noises that initially pollute my ear drums become the norm away from uncompetitive rural atmosphere and peacefulness of my roots.
Guilt from not missing the senses from my rural homeland is overridden by the excitement of life in a busy Metropolis. Emptiness of peace versus the vibrancy of life. I’m now in my own wonderland.
A brief about this story:
The original plan for the story was someone who only been living outside of cities and other town areas for most of his life, hints the term he uses to define it as ‘the rural lands’, and how he feels the presence of finally visiting a city for the first time in his entire life. In a first person point of view, he decides the feeling of being there as he got out the station.
It was going for a more light hearted approach, however I’ve advised to make it darker. So I’ve stuck with my original draft and focused on the parts that could show signs of the character’s sanity and emotion in his thoughts towards his surroundings whilst describing it as his ‘wonderland’.